My head is filled with words. Words that refuse to make much sense when I try and put them on paper. And I suppose it is these words that have been driving away my sleep.
It's odd how you can look up to someone so much. Idolize them and still at the same time hate them. He's one of those people who seems convinced time heals all. He doesn't understand. And how can he. Sometimes I think if only I could get the words out. If I could make him understand. Tell him it's his fuckin fault. You made me into this. You let him have me. But I'm too much of a coward and some part of me still idolizes him. I wish I could hurt him. I wish I could hate him for what he did to me. hate him enough that I wouldn't be worried about his fuckin feelings. But the same time I'm glad I don't hate him enough to forget everything good about him. I'm tired now. Come back some other time . Ciao
