Friday, April 30, 2004

" It's nothing ." you say and pull your arm away from me.
I can see the blood beginning to seep through the fresh bandages that cover a large part of your arm. and I know I don't really need to ask but I do because it's easier to pretend .
" You're bleeding. What happened ?"
You sigh and roll your eyes because we've gone through this so many times its becoming monotonous.
" It's just a scratch, nothing to worry about."
That's what you say anytime you want me to drop the subject . We both know that it doesn't really matter because I won't and you'll keep trying to evade the question. trying to feed me half-truths. you tell me it's for my own good. it won't do me any good to worry about you. finally after a couple of minutes of being questioned you let me look at your arm. and it's covered with red angry cuts that criss-cross and seem to go on forever. some have stopped bleeding but others are still seeping. for a minute I say nothing. then I meet your eyes, and you're smiling so I smile back. " I'll get some fresh bandages." and i'm out of the room before you can say anything.

Bled to DEATH ♥ at
11:12 AM |

Friday, April 16, 2004

Behind closed lids explosions of colors. blue , pink , green . lips that sometimes are sweet. sometimes
taste of nothing. dry, bleeding , tasting me. cold.
' What are you thinking ? ' whispered close to my ear. breath so warm. close. raising
tiny goosebumps along my arms.
Behind closed lids you are a million different sensations. sometimes soft
and warm , feather-soft touches. other times pain. I hold my hands up to your face. hold my arms. can you
see them ? can you ? feel them ? some are you'rs ... and I really don't remember which ones anymore.
and they never really hurt ...I wanted them to hurt. look closer. yes, that's it. you see them. look. do you want
to know.
' How did ...' you begin but never really finish the question . I didn't expect you to. and so instead
I let you bury your head in my arms. stroke your hair. hear you whispering something. soft, under your breath.
can't make out the words. close my eyes. wonder if I can make the tears come. maybe ? maybe not. but it
doesn't really matter. you're looking at me now. I can feel your eyes on me. open my eyes. stare. smile.
' What are you thinking ' you ask . eyes so dark they threaten to drown me.
' Nothing ' words forming on my lips. coming out of my mouth. even before I can stop myself. ' Nothing '

Friday, April 09, 2004

I feel like being a cliche . telling you things that won't make much sense and that at any other time would sound terribly idiotic to me . maybe they still do but I tell myself it's ok as long as I can whisper them into your ear. your eyes are green .. most people mistake them for hazel . they're sleepy most of the time and full of laughter as if you've just heard some fantastic joke that I don't know . I let myself hurt when you're around so you can comfort me and make everything better . I hang onto your every word -- sometimes furious with myself for letting your words have so much power over me .
Alone as I remember things you've said to me I find myself laughing silently . wondering what the hell you were thinking . hoping you're thinking about me and wondering if I'm thinking about you .
you're a self-proclaimed nerd . you love cuddling on the couch and watching movies all night long . and when I'm tired as fuck I can't seem to get myself off that damn couch . yes , I feel like spouting poetry . something overly dramatic to make you notice me . we've talked about love . we've said it's not our thing -- you swear you don't believe in love . I swore the same thing because it's true . I don't believe in love . you place your head on my lap , green eyes staring up to look into mine . and smile . I try and smile back but I'm not sure if it's working .. no , I don't believe in love . I just feel like being a cliche .

AUTHOR ♥ /


-Ella
-I suffer from a lack of personality
-Currently residing in a small town
-located in uranus,
-not the best place to reside
-Fairly single
- <3 Dr. Chase
-afraid of the dark
-anxious
-depressed
-angry
-lost
-and true hater of snow
-Caffeine & Book addict
-Harry Potter fan . Music lover
-Slash addict . Wannabe writer
-Sometimes confused
-hardly
-In love
-Extremely . .
-Sappy
-Introverted
-Sarcastic
-Mostly Happy

[ Stalk Me ]

online

.... ♥ /




FANLISTINGS ♥ /

Little Hams Oscar Wilde BOHEMIAN Tomboy Jesse Spencer  Barely Legal  Brokeback Mountain  House rules Johnny Depp

PHOTOGRAPHY ♥ /



WORDS ♥ /



FRIENDS ♥ /

  • Strokes
  • Blogger
  • Art
  • AFI
  • Jhonen Vasquez
  • Learn to Read
  • Adictv
  • White Stripes
  • Adrian Varela


    ME ♥ /

    5 Things That Scare Me :

    1. needless
    2. biological warfare
    3. clowns
    4. heights
    5. the dark

    5 Things I Hate :

    1. bigotry
    2. ignorance
    3. intolerance
    4. stubbornness
    5. homophobia

    10 Top Movies

    [1] edward scissorhands
    [2] american history x
    [3] brokeback mountain
    [4] the nightmare before..
    [5] the full monty
    [6] psycho
    [7] halloween
    [8] hedwig and the angry inch
    [9] wonder boys
    [10] beauty and the beast

    9 Albums You Love

    [1] mozart
    [2] weezer- pinkerton
    [3] the white stripes - de stijl
    [4] the strokes- is this it
    [5] the white stripes
    [6] nine inch nails- downward spiral
    [7] smashing pumpkins- mellon collie and the infinite sadness
    [8] marilyn manson - antichrist superstar
    [9] the strokes - room on fire

    8 Bands/Artists

    [1] weezer
    [2] elliott smith
    [3] the strokes
    [4] nine inch nails
    [5] the white stripes
    [6] marilyn manson
    [7] smashing pumpkins
    [8] moenia

    7 Things That Annoy You

    [1] people who talk too much
    [2] bad drivers
    [3] labels
    [4] being stared at
    [5] most men
    [6] most women
    [7] dirty dishes

    5 TV Shows

    [1] Criss Angel
    [2] House
    [3] 48 hr mystery
    [4] Bones
    [5] CSI

    3 Albums Recently Bought

    [1] the strokes - first impressions..
    [2] fall out boy - infinity on high
    [3] aureon - to die for

    1 To Spend The Rest Of Your Life With

    [1] my cd collection

    CALENDAR ♥ /









    HISTORY ♥ /

    11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
    12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
    01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
    02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
    03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
    04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
    05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
    06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
    07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
    08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
    09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
    10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
    11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
    12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
    02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
    03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
    04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
    07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
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    12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
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    06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
    08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
    01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009




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